Burn Before Reading: Set the Internet on Fire

The internet is a graveyard of unsolicited opinions, LinkedIn "thought leadership," and headlines written by algorithms for people who click on headlines written by algorithms. Burn Before Reading is your digital flamethrower. Shift-click anything that offends you. Watch it turn to ash. Read the epitaph. Feel measurably better. Repeat until the internet is tolerable, or until you run out of tabs — whichever comes first. What it does: — Throws high-fidelity fire at whatever deserves it. That LinkedIn post. That Reddit thread. That "hey" from Mike at 11pm. — Leaves a custom epitaph tailored to the site and the crime. — Provides the psychological closure that therapy promised but couldn't deliver. How it works: 1. Hit Cmd+B (or Ctrl+B on Windows, you're welcome). 2. Shift-click the cringe. 3. Watch it burn. Read the words. Exhale. Continue. Seven free burns included — enough to get through your morning LinkedIn scroll. Unlimited arson available for those who've accepted that the internet is, in fact, like this. No accounts. No tracking. No newsletter. Just fire.